TY Bello. |
Nigerian
popular musician and photographer, TY Bello, has added her voice to the ongoing
debate on rape following the allegation leveled against Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo
of the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA) by Mrs. Busola Dakolo, wife of
inspiration singer Timi Dakolo.
TY
Bello who took to her Instagram page to state her own experience noted that she
was also sexually abused at her younger age of 7, but said that being silent
after she was sexually abused killed her slowly.
Her
relief, according to the 40-year-old singer said came because of her
relationship with God.
Her
story read:
I remember how the
silence I had to keep after the abuse slowly killed me.. I also remember the
relief I found in my relationship God so early .That really was my rescue ..yet
for decades I could never find my voice on the matter .. I was still
afraid ..Mostly because I felt it may have been the fault of my seven year old
self ..somehow.. Fast forward .. almost thirty years later ..I knew better ..
and was ‘big’ enough .. I understood the importance of stepping up when it was
time to share my story .. and ..I did in my @kemiadetiba ‘s #kingwomen
interview .. it surprised me however,how hard it was to talk about sexual
abuse after so many years .. but it was such a relief ..But soon after came the
resistance ..
In sharing ..I faintly
began tasting the shame again .. that same feeling of naked ‘dirtiness ‘’
I had as a child .. it hadn’t completely gone away .It also became clear.. that
real stories of sexual abuse still sounded like NOVELTY.. I saw headline
after headline .. even in broken English .. this my ‘confession ‘.that ‘ Dem
‘SPOIL ‘ me when I be small pikin’.. It didn’t feel good that it was so
‘sensational’ as I was aware of how massive a plague this was ..WE
CLEARLY ARE NOT TALKING ENOUGH ..too many children sexually abused .. too
many sex crimes ..especially now .. right under our noses.
I had to push past the
inner conflict that talking about it was ‘unnecessary’ ... it was too long ago
..too ‘Oyinboish ‘to discuss publicly .. ‘. ‘Then of course ..that talking
about it now would make it seem like my family failed me as a child ..
but they didn’t .. and could never have known .. I had mastered SILENCE !they
were victims too.
Every abuse story
is different but it is SHAME that makes them complicated..
Sadly , the shame
hardly lies with the perpetrators .. So I’ve learnt that it’s time to nail
shame right where it belongs .. Far away from the wronged.. Bringing them
instead to healing, justice and freedom.
We must teach ever
child the power of their voices ,,Apparently ,we must teach adults too ... and
more importantly we must learn to listen .. understand and know that
Sex is not a dirty word.. but DENIAL is ..
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