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| Some of wives of the Alaafin of Oyo. |
My understanding of the
marriage concept as it applies to the typical palace in Yorubaland is that
marriage to a monarch is fundamentally different from marriage to ordinary
mortals. Lets start from the very idea of the divine nature of kings: Ekeji
Orisa-Friend of the gods. This characteristic alone already indicates that no
woman can expect to have an equal status with a Yoruba monarch. That you are
married to a spirit does not make you a spirit even though it grants you special
privileges. Those privileges end where that of the monarch begins.
But the awe with which our
kings were viewed may have less to do that this more or less superstitious
conception of their nature and more to do with the traditions they uphold, the
way they comport themselves, the sheer scarcity of their royal presence. You
can't be seeing a god everyday on cable TV. A god is not and cannot be a social
media sensation. Imagine a god with a social media handle? I think that social
media handle should be that of the Palace. When gods descend from their
heavenly abode to interact with ordinary humans virtually on a daily basis,
humans, by their nature, begin to see them as just normal people.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Culturally, a king does not go
about "toasting" women to become his wives. There are distinguished
personages who understand the traditional process of acquiring wives for a
monarch. Take note: wives. It is not culturally acceptable for a true monarch
in Yorubaland to have one wife. That creates the danger of a competing power
base. The wife can become a virtual opposition to the king. She becomes
entangled in Palace politics not just as an important factor, but as a
potential competition to the ekeji orisa. If care is not taken, she is capable
of organising a Palace coup to eliminate the king in extreme situations. To
avoid this unpalatable scenario, and also because a king requires many trusted
wives to carry out a wide ranging set of duties, he is encouraged, if not
mandated, to take as many wives as possible. This diffuses the alternative
power base and allows the king his peace.
When you are one of 15 or 20
wives competing for the attention of the ekeji orisa, the thought of ever
challenging his royal authority will never occur to you. You are busy trying to
please him, give him a child, cook for him, run his errands, prove your loyalty
and when you have grown kids, protect and care for them.
The phenomenon of a "mono
wife" who is celebrated on social media and decorated with the appurtenances
of royalty which significance she may not even understand is alien to our
culture and creates all kinds of problems. The biggest of those problems is
that it opens up the monarch to constant competition from a woman whose
understanding of marriage to a monarch lacks traditional depth. She is
"one" Just like her husband, ( She is his "partner". She
can call the shots. Oh maybe she also has his Prince in her grasp. Omo kekere o
mo oogun, o npe ni efo...Okunrin kan bi igba.
Would this happen if there
were a dozen pregnancies queueing up at the the royal maternity?
I know I will be accused of
male chauvinism. But mind you I am not preaching this lifestyle to regular
folks. I am saying this is how our monarchs lived and thrived. And just if you
make the mistake of thinking this is just a male thing, then please go read the
story of Queen Amina of Zaria. Queen Amina took male companions the way the old
Kings took wives, by royal command. And when she had exhausted them with her insurmountable
libido, they were despatched to the nether regions. No man would walk away
boasting of his exploits in Queen Amina's oza room! So after all, it's not just
a man's thing.
The long and short message of
this my homily this morning is simple: If your kinsmen are preparing to make
you a king, don't go there and start preaching the Christian ethos of one man
one wife. The institution you are about to lead does not believe in that
injunction. It has a different conception of marriage.
Embrace it.
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